when I am sick

"SO Kris...what brings you in today?"

 Seriously....it's been forever since I have been able to breathe...I went through 3 boxes of tissues in 2 days and a whole bottle of that saline spray.  I tried a neti-pot and almost downed myself.

Screw this homeopathic crap...inject some damn poison up in me so my eyeballs stay in my head and I can breathe through both nostrils simultaneously...hell...I would settle for one at this point.

AND
in addition to this obvious infectious mess in my nose...I have a yeast infection!!!  Seriously...and acne...
Like could my body rebel more?

So...
After listening to the soothing sounds of a sick motorcycle at volume 756 while fighting off a migraine and listening to the Bird go on and on about Blues Clues, I got a whopping 52 mins of sleep...

52 mins

The Bird was up again at 6:30.  It's f*ckin summer break kid...I would love to sleep in...or just sleep.

And then she is jazzed for swimming lessons
Swimming lessons are at 11am
It was 6:30
She asked every 7 mins if it was time to go

Every
Seven
Minutes

I drew a clock to show her what the clock would look like
We sang songs about patience
We colored
We read
and still....

Every
Seven
Minutes

And...
I told the hubby yesterday, that I needed a break...seriously...
and he said...oh you always ask for one

Now...I could get real petty here and go back through all our conversations and let him KNOW that at no time did I ask for a bird break...in the entire history of our cell phone plan
but
I didn't

I may have fantasized about chopping off his head and sending it careening into traffic on his f*ckin motorcycle but I did NOT point out that it has never happened.

In fact...I have frequent fantasies about chopping off various parts of him.  It could stem back to the fact that I have been waiting for 5 years...he says 1.5 but whatever...for him to finish the F*CKin basement.  Seriously...living in limbo for 5 years and can't organize anything because the place for half the crap isn't ready yet but he has like...UNLIMITED time to work on these time and money suck motorcycles and bitch about how he never gets to do anything...like making other people food and doing laundry on "vacation" is really VACATION for me...

AND

that's another thing...we go on vacation and I spend hours every day doing laundry and making food...seriously...what the F*CK kind of vacation is that?  Like, I could have done that at home and not spent $45,000

All I want to do is read a whole book without interruption...a WHOLE book.  I can't even read a damn recipe without someone asking for something....for instance...the bird has asked for something no less than 1000 times while I have been "talking."

AND

That's another thing.  I understand she has autism but F*CK autism because, seriously...
EVERY
SEVEN
MINUTES....

Seriously...the only alone time I have had in about 18 years is right now...in this dr's office.

AND

I have this crazy spot on my chin where a chin hair always pops up (hello 40+...)and I just KNOW there is a hair there but I can't find it and I may have created a whole sort of crater there but I  know it is there (dirty bastard)

That's what I WANT to say to the dr....I mean...that's my answer....

"Well...I have had this cough and runny nose for a couple of weeks now" is what I will really say.....
All while relishing the fact that no one is asking me when swimming lessons are.